All the thoughts I had while watching Poor Things

It's Oscar season. Join me while I rage.

I don’t even have a snarky caption. This fuckin movie you guys. (Source: YouTube.)

NOTE: This post contains spoilers for the movie Poor Things. Chief among the spoilers is that this film is a festering, throbbing, physical-pain-inducing failure-slog. But anyway. If you don’t want to know what happens in this film, skip this newsletter.

NOTE 2: If you loved the film, I am about to yuck your yum real hard, so you also might want to skip this newsletter. (Good friends in particular who loved the movie, you can definitely skip this one in the service of still liking me later and not thinking I’m an insufferable, fun-hating snob.)

NOTE 3: And if you haven’t seen it, this newsletter will make less sense. But perhaps the furious energy of my anger will entertain you and light your home and warm you during a chilly night. Anyway.

All the thoughts I had while watching Poor Things

1. Hell yeah. Day off, out at the movies. Let’s do this.

2. Emma Stone is good. I like her.

3. Willem Dafoe is in this? Hell yeah! And that Ramy guy!

4. So…the baby brain is in the adult lady’s body. The adult lady who committed suicide. OK, dark.

5. OK. Ramy’s first line is “What a beautiful r*tard!” God, this is just going to be Edgelordfest 2024, isn’t it? (Forgive me. How do I type-bleep this word while still making sure readers understand what he said? I tried.)

6. Emma Stone’s character is masturbating with fruit. OK. How old is she exactly?

7. It appears I’m supposed to be laughing. Lady behind me is laughing. I am not laughing. Uhhh…

8. Holy shit am I a prude now?