NPR in the year 2195

As a great man once said, "So come 'n' git it."

If you exist in the same areas of TikTok and Instagram that I inhabit, the algorithm has fed you a woman named Katherine Ellis doing very funny sketches of Future NPR…more specifically, of an NPR classical host explaining recent pop/hiphop songs in her dulcet, calming tones. (Imagine your local classical host saying, “skeet skeet skeet skeet,” and you’ve got it.) A taste:

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Anyway, I thought I’d build out the future public radio universe. Below: your local NPR station in the year 2195. (If you want to be pedantic, Splendid Table is APM, but whatever.)

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SPLENDID TABLE

GOOD-NATURED FOOD REPORTERBOT: Welcome to the Splendid Table. I’m Good-Natured Food Reporterbot. Today’s program is specially tailored: it’s not for those living in pleasuredomes, nor even those who have found upscale Quonsets to squat in. This is for the hand-crank radio listeners, cooking meat bunnies over a kerosene cookstove, wondering how to spice up their meals just a little.

Our guest today is GPT 9000, who recently published Hellscape Cooking, which is available for direct craniochip download. Welcome!

GPT 9000: Pleasure to be here.

GNFR: Now, GPT 9000, let’s get right into it: what is your number 1 cooking tip?

GPT 9000: Well, that depends on where you live. If you are on a coast – Tennessee, North Mississippi …which I guess we could call plain old Mississippi now that the southern part is underwater, haha…

GNFR: Haha! Indeed it is!