TRAILER: Brown Bear, Brown Bear
I hate this book so much. This is the only way it makes sense.
OPEN: a teacher leads a small child down a school hallway into a door marked “SCHOOL COUNSELOR.”
COUNSELOR [a soulful older woman who radiates intelligence. Think Patricia Clarkson or Meryl Streep.]: What’s going on?
YOUNG FEMALE TEACHER: Rosie has been … acting … oddly on the playground.
COUNSELOR: Rosie, what’s wrong?
ROSIE, a five- or six-year-old: [matter-of-factly] Nothing.
TEACHER: I’ve found her down by the creek behind the playground four times now. She just sits there watching this white dog. She watches it, and it watches her.
ROSIE: [irritated] We weren’t watching each other. I saw the white dog. And it was looking at me.
TEACHER: I’m wondering if we need to get her evaluated?
COUNSELOR: [never breaks eye contact with Rosie as teacher talks…seems to know more than she’s letting on] I’m not sure.
——
SHOT: Rosie stands silently in front of a set of swings. Children swirl around her. She stares at the ground, where a cardinal stares up at her.
CUT TO: Counselor and a young male teacher sitting in a cozy teachers’ lounge with cups of coffee.
YOUNG MALE TEACHER: I’ll have a lot to learn from you. I hear you’ve been at Middletown Elementary for a while. You even went here?
COUNSELOR: I did.
YOUNG MALE TEACHER: [chuckles] You must have seen everything.
COUNSELOR: Oh, I don’t-
She is interrupted by a tap-tap-tap. At the window, a cardinal is tapping on the glass. The noise is louder than a tiny bird should be able to make.
YOUNG MALE TEACHER: That’s…odd…
The tapping grows louder and louder. Cracks spider out from where the bird is tapping. The bird bangs its head against the glass. Blood spatters the glass. Male teacher and others back as far away from windows as possible, pressing themselves against the wall, horrified. Only Counselor continues sitting. She is not startled, but is clearly deeply unsettled.
—--
SHOT: a music teacher taps a music stand with her baton. Risers full of children stand ready in front of her.
MUSIC TEACHER: All together now, and let’s do it slowly this time…
[children start singing “Talk to the Animals”]
—-
[Children’s chorus of “Talk to the Animals” continues in background at a funereal pace, now in a minor key]
SHOT: A small cluster of children standing near a merry go-round. A small cluster of animals – a white dog, a red bird, a yellow duck – stands facing them. The children and animals look at each other intently, silently.
SHOT: Another teacher, this one a young woman, leaning against door of counselor’s office. Counselor is at desk.
MIDDLE-AGED LADY TEACHER: You heard about Mrs. Patterson?
COUNSELOR: No.
MIDDLE-AGED LADY TEACHER: A freaking duck attacked her.
COUNSELOR: You don’t say.
MIDDLE-AGED LADY TEACHER: I wonder if we need to get a vet out here? Maybe the local animals have rabies?
COUNSELOR: [closes eyes, takes a steadying breath, but young teacher interrupts her]
MIDDLE-AGED LADY TEACHER: Oh! Another weird thing: my cat? Its hair is turning purple.
[Counselor’s eyes snap open]
COUNSELOR: You can’t go home.
MIDDLE-AGED LADY TEACHER: [baffled] What do you mean?
—
SHOT: Counselor flipping hurriedly through old yearbooks.
OLDER TEACHER, voiceover: It’s happening again, isn’t it?
COUNSELOR, voiceover: It can’t be.
SHOT: Older teacher and counselor drinking tumblers of whiskey in her office. Neither is smiling.
OLDER TEACHER: Well…that’s what *I* see.
Counselor stares grimly at him.
—
SHOT: Counselor in Rosie’s home, talking to Rosie’s parents.
ROSIE’S MOTHER: [clutches Rosie to her chest, shrieks at counselor] What the hell is going on?
COUNSELOR: It’s been awakened.
ROSIE’S MOTHER: What has?!?!?!
COUNSELOR: A nameless ancient evil. It wants its own playground…
[blurry, half-second, shaky shot of a purple cat brutally attacking middle-aged woman teacher’s face]
[CUT BACK TO: Counselor in Rosie’s house.]
COUNSELOR: …and it will stop at nothing until it gets its way.
ROSIE’S MOTHER: What does Rosie have to do with this?
COUNSELOR: The spirit always chooses one child. An Instigator. That’s how it communicates.
ROSIE’S MOTHER: How do you KNOW this?
COUNSELOR: [looks at her grimly]
———
We see a rapid-fire mishmash of shots – Counselor doing some sort of ritual in the woods involving fire and elaborate stick runes. A paddock of horses, one of them blue. A black sheep hurling itself repeatedly at an electric fence while a farmer looks on in shock. Counselor sprinting down a hall, holding Rosie, screaming.
—-----
[Children’s chorus abruptly ends]
SHOT: Elementary classroom. Shot is from vantagepoint of classroom windows. Students are all turned in their desks to stare blankly at windows. Teacher from opening scene stares at windows, horrified. Teacher shuffles over to intercom button on the wall.
TEACHER: [hits intercom] Principal Walker, you’d better come down here.
PRINCIPAL: Why? What do you see?
[TEACHER, staring at windows, is speechless]
PRINCIPAL: WHAT DO YOU SEE?!? Children??? CHILDREN?!?
[Children are silent, eyes locked with the animals. Only Rosie pipes up. She is expressionless.]
ROSIE: A brown bear. Looking at us.
[Camera pans to window. Outside is a massive grizzly bear, looking terrifyingly angry, stalking up to the window. Behind it, there is a single-file line of animals – a white dog, a purple cat, a blue horse, and so on. All have blood and/or guts dripping from their jaws.]
[Bear leaps at window. Screen cuts to black. We hear glass breaking, roaring, squelching of blood. Teacher screams.]
TITLE CARD: “Brown Bear, Brown Bear. A film by Ari Aster.”
ROSIE, voiceover: That’s what we see.
This week’s recommendations
My stories: I’ve been on vacation. So…not much to report here! However: I have started a series on MEN! (Working, unofficial title for said series: “Male-In Voting.”) Web versions of the first two pieces will be up soon. I’ll link them in the next newsletter. Okay!
BOOK: Cloistered, by Catherine Coldstream. I’m in the middle of listening to this memoir, and it’s totally engrossing. What caused a bohemian/artsy/free-spirited/[enter non-nunlike adjective here] woman to join a strict order of nuns? And then what caused her to leave after 10 years? So many lovely, honest descriptions of religious belief and devotion.
Honestly, I’m tired, so let’s just move on to everyone’s favorite recommendation section…
YOUR LATEST OLD AND/OR FORGOTTEN INTERNET JOY: Flight of the Conchords, “Jenny”
This is incredible and I hope some Hollywood big shot throws sacks of money at you for it.
I love everything you do, but somehow this is what is getting me to upgrade to paid 😆 I will also plug Polar Bear, Polar Bear, which avoids the looking problem.